Meanwhile, on Yelp... (Y'allQaida/Malheur) [View all]

[opiate69]

The refuge is wonderful and the flora is representative of the region but there appears to be an influx of invasive wildlife.

The species is slow witted and easy to avoid but none the less caution is advised. Even when a bark is worse than a bite remember... there's still a bite. In the event one of these lower primates sees you and approaches there are ways to escape the interaction unscathed.

The easiest way is the dumb down your language and start spouting far right political nonsense. Phrases like "gold standard" and "sovereign citizen" should be used amid random one syllable connectors. But use caution. A broad vocabulary or use of "snotty, big-city words" could indicate higher education or as they say "too much time with the teachin lady". They don't seem to like this.

If exposed in this way you can throw a tin of chewing tobacco to lure them away or just point and yell "Obama!". Either should buy you enough time to flee. If they see a library card prepare to defend yourself. Their attack is reflexive and to the death.

One upside of their unwanted presence is park hours. Malheur is now open 24/7... for white people wearing camo.

http://www.yelp.com/biz/malheur-national-wildlife-refuge-princeton

And oh, so much more! Priceless, I tells ya.