I'm old...and not well. Worried about my wife's finances after I'm gone. She has early dementia....

[mahina]

16. I'm really sorry to hear about your wife's situation, yours and the worry you might be feeling.

Hoping a wise solution emerges that eases your mind.

One problem I notice in my family and friends is we will talk comfortably about anything but money and death.

We can spend weeks together and have, but nobody feels like it's a good idea to ask Mom how she has things organized in her will, or ask my beautiful Auntie what it feels like to be 93, how she thinks about mortality, if she might consider leaving my great Auntie's house, (that went to my Uncle after Great Auntie passed), to family members when she passes?

Because it's none of our damn business what she does with it, it belongs to her, and she can do with it exactly what she pleases! It just would be so nice if it went to the next generation after me as housing in Honolulu seems impossible for the young folks...but yeah, nobody can ask.

There's a program here that helps family members talk about these things if they want to through the Mediation Center of the Pacific. Perhaps there is something like it there.

And heartily second the suggestion of a good estate attorney. He or she can help with the other questions or at least refer you to the pros she trusts in the field.

Also I must suggest reading my friend's book, "Wait, Don't Die Yet" by Annette Kam. She has made it available for free in a downloadable pdf or it's available in bookstores including Planet Bezos (Amazon). Not just who do you want your pet to go to but who is the veterinarian? What do all these keys go to? Is there a safety deposit box, and if so, where is the key? What accounts and loans exist? What are the monthly bills, how do you pay them, what is your email password, bank account numbers...or if there are documents for any investments and accounts putting them in a trust, need to know that they are in the name of the trust so that the assets transfer directly to the beneficiary upon death or incapacity of the owner. Many other things without which
a) peoples' assets are tied up in probate, costing @30-50% of the value, and b) upon passing or incapacity of the owner, bills start racking up and they need to be paid while things get sorted out.

Full of incredibly useful information that has proved invaluable for many.

Here's Annette on our TV news

?si=zYIYEN3NaIY8LclP

Here's another

?si=tv80ANyjWEbMTBZN she starts at about 3:37


I adore her.

Good luck, aloha!