my sister's eldest child [View all]
My wife and I share a home with one of my sisters and her 37-year-old child, who was born female. To protect them, I'm using the gender-neutral name of Robin for this post.
I don't know what kind of disability/disabilities keep Robin from ⁿworking (they've never worked a day), from being around groups of people, etc. One of their chores is to take out the bins on collection day -- they take them out and bring them back in at about 3:00 am so as not to be seen by the neighbors. I put my hand on their shoulder in the kitchen on Friday (their birthday) and told them that I love them. They said, "Don't touch me." If they'd ever told me this rule, I'd forgotten it.
But I digress. This thread isn't intended just to offer a trait rundown that would belong in one of the support fora.
Robin wanted delivery from Panda Express for their birthday dinner. This is how they marked their container of leftovers for the fridge:
https://imgur.com/a/xsEEXO7 *
That surprised me. It's not that I don't support them; they have my whole-hearted love and support. My own dilemma is minor, considering all that Robin feels and experiences. I just don't know by what name to call them. Their birth name is decidedly feminine; they changed it to a similarly feminine name when they turned 18.
Do I call them "niece," which I have done most of their life? (Ex.: Hey, Niece, how's your day going?) Do I ask if they've chosen a masculine name, and would they be happy with being known by that name?
I think I need to ask them by what name they'd like to be addressed. I don't know how to address them.
Has anyone else encountered a family member such as Robin, whose gender identity is opposite the one they were born with?
Thank you for your input.
* I don't know what happened; I expected the photo to appear here. I don't know what I did that's amiss.