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AmBlue

(3,444 posts)
14. I was my mother's caregiver for 5 years
Tue Feb 28, 2023, 10:27 AM
Feb 2023

....and it was devastating to her, yes, but also extremely devastating to me and my family as we saw her decline right here, every day, as the center-piece of our home life. She had little awareness in the last year of her life, often having no clue who I (or anyone else) was. We did our best to make her last time on this Earth comfortable and loving, but it was a constant struggle as daily she lost the ability to do the daily tasks of living. I am so fortunate to have such a loving, supportive husband and grown (college age) children. I can imagine many marriages and families strained to breaking under this kind of stress.

So I have decided I never want to do this to my family. If I am ever diagnosed with this awful disease, I want the choice to check out early. There are ten states where physician assisted suicide is legal. This will be my choice. Google it if you are interested. It's sad that this is where we are in this country, but it's wrong that children and other family members have to give up their lives to care for a loved one 24/7 whose quality of life is long gone and there is literally NOTHING you can do to make it better for them, while it tears your own life apart.

Another major issue is that there is almost nothing available in the way of REAL support for family members taking on this gargantuan responsibility. Respite care is extremely difficult to find, and the cost of in-home care is staggering. Memory care facilities (by and large) do not give adequate care, but also charge exorbitant rates. Family members still end up at the facility often daily to monitor and supervise care. It's just an awful situation all the way around.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

Dementia is the most frightening condition I can imagine Trueblue Texan Feb 2023 #1
Well said, Trueblue. erronis Feb 2023 #2
Excellently said, True. There was an article posted here on DU recently about niyad Feb 2023 #3
My dad and brother both suffered from dementia. It was not easy to watch them fade away. panader0 Feb 2023 #4
I agree with you exboyfil Feb 2023 #6
All of this! MontanaMama Feb 2023 #12
I was my mother's caregiver for 5 years AmBlue Feb 2023 #14
Yes and yes leighbythesea2 Feb 2023 #22
My sincere sympathies to you. AmBlue Mar 2023 #23
Thank you leighbythesea2 Mar 2023 #24
I admire my mom (78) exboyfil Feb 2023 #5
This country needs to get serious about healthcare, including long term care. area51 Feb 2023 #7
My father died with dementia in August. His last six months he spent near me JCMach1 Feb 2023 #8
"For those lacking adequate resources" Ferrets are Cool Feb 2023 #9
Indeed. The vast majority of Americans MontanaMama Feb 2023 #16
Sadly, this is true. Ferrets are Cool Feb 2023 #19
I have FTD just like Bruce Omaha Steve Feb 2023 #10
Picks Disease bpj62 Feb 2023 #11
I just started taking Lions mane mushrooms to help my brains health. flying_wahini Feb 2023 #13
I care for my husband. The great news is that it really hasn't effected his personality. He is MLAA Feb 2023 #15
That's a huge burden. MontanaMama Feb 2023 #17
Thanks for the kind words. I think it is easier for me than some. He is my favorite person on MLAA Feb 2023 #18
You and I are in the same boat. PlutosHeart Feb 2023 #20
It seems very wise to downsize to something more manageable with everything else on your plate. MLAA Feb 2023 #21
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