Update...I heard back from my youngest son, and I've done a LOT this week [View all]

[FirstLight]

But I think/know that "running errands" is also a way of aviodance from the house stuff. I need to finish the living room cleanup/ empty the fridge/catboxes/ ...and my room looks like a hurricane hit it.

But my boy (manchild) is coming HOME!!! He and his GF were in a horrific situation in Kansas. Her family is so dysfunctional they could be on Jerry Springer, Devin got attacked by her father and his roommate for just beiing there. and he was sleeping in the car for a month because she was allowed to live there with her kid, but he wasn't. THey bought a RV and have been basically living in that for a month or two... Not able to work consistently because being without an address they couldn't get services and had no childcare.
So I told them to come park on my street and find jobs in Carson, etc. It's way cheaper than Tahoe or Reno and there's way more opportunity, and I'm nnot drunk and my psycho ex is gone.
So glad to be back in contact. I also told him about this whole trauma and healing journey and that I dont want to have them move in with me and get "stuck here" cuz it's too expensive to rent their own place, and I need my alone time.
He said he's learned a lot too and managed his own issues as well, the beating up and cops and all of that took soome of his arrogance and he admitted he is way more humble and understanding of life now.
I told hum I still want them to pursur mental health stuff when they get services like Medi-CAL for their own good and the baby (her little one is almost 2).

So I am excited but reserved. and felt good about telling him my fears and boundaries and his adult-ness about it all. As long as it's not snowing, they can sit out front and chill without worry...I have literally NO neighbors cuz it's all Vacation rentals. And my one neighbor behind me is a sweetie and had her friends in RV's out front of her house all summer
So I get to play with a little one and kinda get a grandma fix. I think it will be good for me, as well as reinforce the fact that we are ALL trying to heal our generational shit!

BUT...I am tired. I had to gather all my paperwork like the deed to the house and bank statements etc for the divorce and it was really unsettling to think about how she spent basically my entire inheritance on useless crap. I gotta get things posted on marketplace etc to try and recoup some losses. My room is still thrashed because she just lumped all my stuff in there so she could take over the rest of the house, so I have to find my stuff and re-do my bookshelves cuz it's all on the fucking floor. (Devin is offering to help a LOT so I am grateful for his muscles)

I just have to take it day by day...I just feel so distracted by the physical space...and I still need to finish 2 modules of an Anthropology class I took and Incomplete in, and try to finish my book edits so I can maybe make some money publishing while I am doing school

I swear, I need some freaking adhd meds to help my brain focus! uggghhh
Today I am taking it slow...but I wanna at least have the living area and kitchen ready for "company"
The kids should be here by tomorrow or Monday
**fingers crossed** for good outcomes