Riley went to rainbow bridge

[Earthrise]

22. We can find a reason to blame ourselves no matter what we do...

Think of the name and face of a kind friend or loved one. Ask yourself what you would say to them if they were in the same situation. I don't think you would tell them that you fucking hate them and will never forgive them.

I had my Golden, Ben put down when the vet found cancer. The treatment would require surgery and long, miserable chemotherapy. Ben was going on 12. The vet kept talking about success stories, but I didn't buy it.

As soon as I put him down I plunged into depression - this was my heart dog - what if he could've had weeks or months more? Like you I was confident I had failed him and shocked at the intense, unrelenting emotional pain of losing him.

We think we have control of our lives because it feels like we have control when everything is going pretty well. Pain comes when it comes and we can't always control it. Death comes when it comes. We can't control it.

I am so sorry that Riley died. I am terribly sorry he experienced pain in the end.

He isn't in any pain now.

You engaging in emotional self-harm isn't going to help him.

Consider looking for books or an online support groups for people who've lost pets.