My 80 yo mother is addicted to my drug-addicted nephew [View all]

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Last edited Tue Sep 16, 2014, 05:16 PM - Edit history (3)

He is 28 years old and has been living with her for 10 years. He has done nothing but get into trouble for 10 years. We've talked to my Mom about it, but recently I decided to take action. I convinced her to get a restraining order because he was using and selling meth in her house, and bringing drug addicts and dealers into her house. Over the past ten years, he has racked up an impressive petty criminal record, including two domestic violence convictions, and two possession of meth charges, and just two weeks ago, he was finally charged with felony possession and a 657b enhancement...that's CA's 3 strikes law.

My mother has been violating the restraining order by allowing him to come to her house and talking to him on the phone. Funny...she tried to visit him in jail, but the jailer told her she could not: because SHE has a restraining order against him. My mother is of sound mind and body...except when it comes to him...and my drug addicted brother. My brother at least has his own apartment, but he relies on my mother financially, to some extent.

He is a danger to her. And she is a danger to herself when it comes to him. I want my mother to sell her house, but she is resistant only because she wants to keep a home for him....but she really doesn't want him, or his drug activity in her house. Her latest solution is to house him in the garage, even though the restraining order prohibits that.

I think it is time for conservatorship, based on the fact that the nephew has undue influence over her...like battered woman or Stockholm syndrome. He has stolen her car, three new televisions from her house, and god only knows how much cash. He has assaulted both his sisters, and two women he was dating. He is using and dealing meth. I keep asking her: what does he have to do before you see him for who he is? I am afraid she is going to be hurt if she continues to deal with him, and I know she will because she is obsessed with him. And it is so sad. His two younger sisters are both nurses, and doing very well, But until I filed the restraining order, they would not even come to her house.

I am so frustrated. The family all agree that what has been happening is not good, and that she is a danger to herself because of her enabling. Yet, they want her to maintain her independence. And so do I, but I know she cannot break this cycle of co-dependency with him without our help. She even suggested that we get conservatorship. So...I think I am going to make the decision without the rest of the family, and do what I can to to keep my mother safe, because I know she will continue to put herself in danger.

Just needed to vent, but any suggestions are welcome