Does anyone remember when you became an unbeliever?

[GreenEyedLefty]

18. I was a devout Catholic all the way through my teens.

Attended Mass regularly, prayed the rosary, all that good stuff.

I had some odd moments. One was when I was about 15 and attended a prayer meeting of Charismatic Catholics with my friend. Suddenly these people started "speaking in tongues." It was weird and I wondered if there was something wrong with me because I literally felt nothing. I was told that the Holy Spirit chooses who it speaks through. Ohhhkay.

At some point during that time I started to become aware of gender inequality - why women weren't ordained - and questioned why priests weren't allowed to marry. And don't get me started on the liturgy itself. Once I started asking questions, it stopped making sense.

There was no clear moment of "wow, this is bullshit." More like a gradual dawning.

The final break happened during my English literature studies in college. So much of English lit is Church writing. Some of the writers asked damn good questions and the Church was clearly making shit up to solve the holes in their logic.

I haven't been to Mass in decades, except for funerals. I'm in the closet with regard to my atheism because of the reactions I have gotten from friends and co-workers when I revealed my non-believer status. I can never tell my parents, they would be devastated.