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Bereavement

Grasswire2

(13,739 posts) Wed Aug 7, 2019, 11:32 AM Aug 2019

My ex husband (abusive narcissist) is dying. [View all]

My older son (who took the brunt of the emotional abuse and has been disengaged from his dad for about ten years) does not know if he should go to the bedside half a continent away, or not.

I told him that there can be value in death bed forgiveness as a simple act of human mercy. His dad is not conscious and will not regain consciousness. I told him to do what's best for his own peace of mind. And do whatever will not leave any regret in his own heart.

Any thoughts? What is the best route for the survivor's peace?

19 replies

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Highlight:

My ex husband (abusive narcissist) is dying. [View all] Grasswire2 Aug 2019 OP

you answered perfectly!!! gopiscrap Aug 2019 #1

Does he have to do that in person? dawg day Aug 2019 #2

I agree. Let him shed a tear for what might have been, and donate the airfare to a charity Croney Aug 2019 #4

yes, there are two other siblings -- one of them a minister, actually. And a third wife. Grasswire2 Aug 2019 #5

Being there for the sake of his siblings, if they love him, is worthwhile. lostnfound Aug 2019 #9

I agree with your answer to your son duforsure Aug 2019 #3

forgiveness is overrated agingdem Aug 2019 #6

Not a forgiving G-d? JudyM Aug 2019 #14

consider the Holocaust... agingdem Aug 2019 #16

I get that. JudyM Aug 2019 #17

For His Own Healing, Your Son Should Say Goodbye to His Father, If He Can dlk Aug 2019 #7

My father was not a part of my life left-of-center2012 Aug 2019 #8

that's what this son is experiencing as loss... Grasswire2 Aug 2019 #11

Making the visit could trigger an emotional setback. littlemissmartypants Aug 2019 #10

I went to my mother's deathbed Chalco Aug 2019 #12

That was so kind of you, Chalco. JudyM Aug 2019 #15

that was a pretty amazing experience orleans Aug 2019 #18

Thanks! Chalco Aug 2019 #19

I think your advice was excellent. Golden Raisin Aug 2019 #13