Sudden death of my brother, 2 months after my father died of pancreatic cancer

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

15. Thank you for the kind words.

I don't understand religion at all. I was brought up to be Catholic, but my mom was Methodist, and the fact that their marriage was opposed by goth families because of the religious difference was an early reason I found religion problematic. But I did try to believe in god, but from an early age I just didn't and couldn't. So, I obviously am often around people who talk about things that make no sense to me, because most people do believe in god. And most of the time I don't say anything.

But this thing with god killing my brother to bring my sisters and me together is disturbing to me in more than one way. First, it supports my feeling that religion is crazy. I mean, really. Your all powerful being can't come up with a better way to heal divisions between sisters? Not very creative and kind of an asshole, that god of yours. (Please forgive my speaking frankly about how I see that.)

Also, even though the sister who said that is also at odds with the other two sisters and had a difficult relationship with my brother because he sexually assaulted her when they were young teens and it was never addressed, because of recent events, I am the one seen as choosing estrangement, unreasonably, as most of the family sees it.