My son committed suicide 1/27--he was 25 years old

[NNadir]

93. I am very sorry. I had a roomate who did it, and to be honest, I came very close...

...myself when I was a young man.

There was nothing that the people I loved could have done to stop me; and I realize now how much I would have hurt them as well as the reasons they may have found to blame themselves.

I came very close; the thought of it frightens me, because life was so rich thereafter, but the issue was not about other people, what they did and didn't do or say or didn't say; it was least of all not about those I loved. It was an argument between me, my pain at the time, and eternity. It was with me, not those I loved.

We all feel failure, that we have let others down, but to live we need to forgive ourselves both from what we perceive and what we know of our own mistakes.

I realize it will be hard to come by, but I wish you peace. It can come, if you let it, if you work at it. Guilt, deserved or undeserved, is an opportunity for forgiveness. If you think you need to do so, forgive yourself.

Had I went through with it, I would surely hope that anyone connected to me my act would have done the same.