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[Farmer-Rick]

16. When I lost my spouse I was very much like you

It is going on 5 years now but it feels like I lost them yesterday.

This inertia, (feeling like why bother, it all doesn't make any difference, who really cares if it gets done,) is still with me. I fight it every day it seems. I'll start doing well for weeks, then I suddenly stop and go back to sleeping all day and never wanting to do anything ever.

But, before I let myself sleep and go into lazy coma mode, I force myself to do something. One thing only. Just do that 1 thing then let yourself fallback and let the inertia take you. But not before you do one thing.

When they first died, I focused on getting the tombstone right (took 3 times), getting the death certificate, sending the certificate to banks and insurance company. All those things you have to do when the love of your life dies.

Because I spent so much time taking care of my dying spouse, the house had fallen into disrepair. So, the next thing was getting the roof fixed. Getting the rotting porch repaired. Fixing the falling down siding.

All of these things I did with the 1 thing at a time plan. I would make one phone call, mail one letter, paint one ceiling, patch one hole in the dry wall, make one office visit to the dentist or lawyer or SS office.

But it's not a straight line. There are days I feel good and get 5 things done then there are days where just making that 1 phone call took all the energy I had for the day. But I did just that 1 thing and when I feel good I do 5 things and I am amazed at how much I have gotten done, one thing at a time.