Grief can be so overwhelming. It is for me, this time of year
In August of 1988 my husband and I moved to St Joseph, MO from Los Angeles with our almost 2 year old son. I could not understand why people in St. Joe had bumper stickers that said, "Shit happens". So?
Not long after we arrived, I discovered I was pregnant. Then one day I was fairly certain I had miscarried. I had not even found an OB. I had to get a name and went and sat in the office, waiting to be called. And waited, and waited. Long story short, it appeared I may have lost a twin, but was still pregnant. This was determined after multiple blood tests and what appeared to be screwups from their lab. I found a new OB. Christmas came and went. I was hopeful. In January 1989, our daughter was stillborn just shy of viability.
I am convinced there is no rhyme or reason to what happens. Shit happens, indeed. Christmas season has never been the same for me. Hope for new life? Look how it turns out.
And yet I still enjoy the music, the light, the yearning for the message of peace and love. We are a fucked up species, we humans. Grief from loss comes in waves. Anger overwhelms me sometimes at the stupidity, callousness, and hypocrisy of some people that I just want to go away somewhere and never have to deal with other people again.
So, one day at a time I look for the beauty or the opportunity to give. Sometimes it's just a sunrise or sunset. Last night I saw the moon rising through the window while watching a football game. I got up, went outside for a minute, and enjoyed the moment.
I wish you peace, Duncanpup.
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