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appleannie1

(5,229 posts)
20. Taking care of elder people is never easy and not everyone is suited to do it.
Thu May 6, 2021, 03:23 PM
May 2021

Don't beat yourself up. I had worked in a hospital when I was younger and when my father's cancer attacked his spine and he could no longer work, I brought him here and we put him in our bedroom in a hospital bed and slept upstairs by doubling up two of the kids. When my father-in-law had a major stroke that affected both sides of his body, one side completely we put the hospital bed in the dining room since it was easier to take him around in a wheel chair from there. Many times in the years he lived with us I was thankful he could not walk. The stroke had had almost the same effect as dementia and he became childish. At least I could be in the kitchen cooking and know he was in the lift chair in front of the TV where I had left him (I had to hide the controller for it because if not he would play dump truck). You will have your hands full in a couple months and she will need to be watched round the clock.

In the middle of my father- in-law living with us, my mother came down with cancer. We simply put another hospital bed in the dining room.

I don't know what services you have available where you live. I was able to get 12 hours a week of free care from the Agency on the Aging. You will have to look into things like that because they are not advertised. Talk to her doctor or the family services at your local hospital.

My one great uncle got so bad that my cousin had no choice than to find alternative care for him. He lived for almost five years not knowing who the people were that came to visit him every couple days. Hopefully it does not come to that point with your mom but if it does, do not feel guilty. You have to make choices based on what is safest for not only your mom but also you and your wife. Take care and best of luck to you.
And do your research now and keep phone numbers somewhere you can find them. That way, if something occurs, you won't be rushed in trying to find care that is suited to your mom's needs.

Recommendations

1 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

Been there, done that. Texaswitchy May 2021 #1
I feel for you. Mom died 7 years ago but she lived with Alzheimer's for about 15 years before that. alwaysinasnit May 2021 #2
So sorry to hear this jimfields33 May 2021 #3
Yes, look into hiring help. Diamond_Dog May 2021 #4
At the moment, me n Mrs. Glam both work at home. Glamrock May 2021 #5
Some other folks who have gone through this here are offering excellent advice. Diamond_Dog May 2021 #13
Thanks mama. Glamrock May 2021 #35
Taking care of elder people is never easy and not everyone is suited to do it. appleannie1 May 2021 #20
Seriously, start researching nursing homes Freddie May 2021 #6
I second that suggestion spinbaby May 2021 #8
Sorry to her that. I had older parents and lost them a long time ago. I have always been jealous brewens May 2021 #7
I feel for you... pnwest May 2021 #9
Glam, take care of yourself and then the family MerryHolidays May 2021 #10
Respect for taking this on. Just know your limits. Be strong. Give Mrs Glam lots of hugs. BoomaofBandM May 2021 #11
I know what you mean. Buckeye_Democrat May 2021 #12
Support groups MerryHolidays May 2021 #14
I worry about burdening my kids with something like this. CentralMass May 2021 #15
my advice- the sooner the better. mopinko May 2021 #16
It's fucked. I was a long term care nurse for eleven years. ismnotwasm May 2021 #17
I think of you and Mrs. Glam often... MontanaMama May 2021 #18
DON'T try to do this yourself. WinstonSmith4740 May 2021 #19
Here's a suggestion - your area may have an adult daycare center FakeNoose May 2021 #21
The stories I see here are exactly why PoindexterOglethorpe May 2021 #22
that is what Robin Williams had Skittles May 2021 #23
Whatever's going on man just come back and check in with us... diverdownjt May 2021 #24
We had to put my MIL in a nursing home because of Greybnk48 May 2021 #25
Been there done that, Ferryboat May 2021 #26
Look specifically for a memory care facility. StarryNite May 2021 #27
everybody has stories Bmoboy May 2021 #28
That's rough. I had to take care of my grandma who had that. Rizen May 2021 #29
I can relate to what you are going through, my wife's parents have dementia, 90+ years old turbinetree May 2021 #30
My mother didn't have Alzheimer's, but what she had was virtually indistinguishable. BobTheSubgenius May 2021 #31
Take care of her, do all you can for her. Under The Radar May 2021 #32
Yes, it is. Holding you and your family in my heart for strength. n/t TygrBright May 2021 #33
I am so very sorry. jmbar2 May 2021 #34
Rule one: No fucking guilt! flotsam May 2021 #36
Tough times, but, you'll do better than you think. blm May 2021 #37
That is some tough news Glam. Swede May 2021 #38
There's lots of help out there. Facilities with Memory Care units can be excellent resources. littlemissmartypants May 2021 #39
My father-in-law had it leighbythesea2 May 2021 #40
❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️. We are ALL here for you. a kennedy Jun 2021 #41
I hear you. My MIL has dementia, but I don't know if it is Lewy body. Ilsa Jun 2021 #42
I hear you. My MIL, with dementia, has had a string of successive Ilsa Nov 2021 #43
How are you holding up, Glamrock? JudyM Dec 2021 #44
as I read this I wondered onethatcares Jun 2024 #45
I'm scared too XanaDUer2 Jun 2024 #46
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