Elder-caregivers
In reply to the discussion: Fuck me, man! I don't wish this shit on anyone. [View all]appleannie1
(5,229 posts)Don't beat yourself up. I had worked in a hospital when I was younger and when my father's cancer attacked his spine and he could no longer work, I brought him here and we put him in our bedroom in a hospital bed and slept upstairs by doubling up two of the kids. When my father-in-law had a major stroke that affected both sides of his body, one side completely we put the hospital bed in the dining room since it was easier to take him around in a wheel chair from there. Many times in the years he lived with us I was thankful he could not walk. The stroke had had almost the same effect as dementia and he became childish. At least I could be in the kitchen cooking and know he was in the lift chair in front of the TV where I had left him (I had to hide the controller for it because if not he would play dump truck). You will have your hands full in a couple months and she will need to be watched round the clock.
In the middle of my father- in-law living with us, my mother came down with cancer. We simply put another hospital bed in the dining room.
I don't know what services you have available where you live. I was able to get 12 hours a week of free care from the Agency on the Aging. You will have to look into things like that because they are not advertised. Talk to her doctor or the family services at your local hospital.
My one great uncle got so bad that my cousin had no choice than to find alternative care for him. He lived for almost five years not knowing who the people were that came to visit him every couple days. Hopefully it does not come to that point with your mom but if it does, do not feel guilty. You have to make choices based on what is safest for not only your mom but also you and your wife. Take care and best of luck to you.
And do your research now and keep phone numbers somewhere you can find them. That way, if something occurs, you won't be rushed in trying to find care that is suited to your mom's needs.
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