"Are you shutting out friends an family because of the election?" Closed-ended question with a lot of open-ended nuance. [View all]

[Pacifist Patriot]

I've been seeing a lot of posts in various social media platforms, as I'm sure most of us have, about cutting ties with friends and family who voted for him. It is easier for some people to do than others. My heart goes out to people who are financially dependent upon one or more of his voters/supporters - whether that is in the home or the workplace. I feel the utmost sympathy for folks who have one or more of his voters/supporters financially dependent upon them and are too kind to chuck them out. It takes a special kind of compassion and a strong moral compass to do that.

I'm fortunate on one side of my family. All of my close family members are democrats and vocal ones at that. I disengaged with my extended family years ago "over politics." Well, that's what they think. I have political disagreements with people all the time and our relationships stay strong and healthy.

As we all know here at DU, this election is far less about politics and much more about morality. Who we strive to be as individuals and how we want our communities and our society to reflect and embody our values was at stake. The very fabric of our fragile democracy was at stake. Political differences in a well-functioning democracy are about how we prioritize and address shared problems, not about whether we should have a democratic government at all.

I was able to disengage completely from my extended family because they aren't in my geographic sphere and I'm not on their social media platforms. I conveniently had plans already when family gatherings were proposed, most times legitimately. I truly have had conflicts for weddings, graduations, and holidays. In 2019 I promised my mom that I would attend one last family reunion for her sake and then never engage with them again.

On our way home from that trip, I asked my (mostly grown) children if they regretted not growing up with my cousins' kids like the others in their generation had. Seeing the other kids getting along so closely, I wondered if I made a mistake depriving them of that camaraderie and support. I got an immediate, "hell no!"

They proceeded to tell me how uncomfortable they had been and found my mom's family to be "mean" and "closed-minded" and "hurtful" and "ignorant" and a bunch of other adjectives along those lines. I hadn't overheard it but apparently there was a lot of casual racist and misogynist talk from my cousins' kids that profoundly disturbed them. Who apparently had no clue that their comments were in any way objectionable. My kids expressed gratitude for not being routinely exposed to that and asked for assurances that they would not be subjected to it again. They most definitely will not be.

I am stuck visiting my husband's parents for Thanksgiving, they are quite elderly and my father-in-law may not be around for much longer. My brother-in-law will be there and I know for certain he is a racist misogynist asshole who voted for him. How those two came from the same parents will baffle me to my dying day. My husband has made sure everyone knows that politics is a forbidden subject because if it comes up, I will not hold back. I won't start anything, but I sure as hell will finish it. I'm hoping for the best.

If you're cutting off ties, I wish you strength and applaud you for your convictions. I hope you have a support network in place and aren't too isolated as a result.

If you are unable to do so, I wish you the fortitude to make it through without losing your sanity. I hope you have a support network in place and aren't too burdened as a result.

I'm glad we have DU, but online relationships only go so far. Find someone to hold and to hold you back, even if it is a fur baby.

Deep breath.