I'm in the ER for the second time in 3 weeks, and they're going to admit me today.

[LuckyCharms]

120. Story time.

The problem is a terrible diverticulitis infection, coupled with a prostate infection.

This hospital has a team of specialists dedicated to each patient. A hospitalist, and then specialists depending on what that patient's issue is.

My wife was here, and a very pretty and VERY intelligent doctor walked in and introduced herself. She is an infectious disease specialist.

She said "is this your beautiful wife?"

I said yes, and I introduced them.

This doctor spent a FULL HOUR explaining things to us. She was drawing pictures on her phone, using different colors, etc.

I was so impressed with her knowledge and the time she spent with us, so I gave her a sincere compliment. I forgot exactly what I said, but she got a little misty-eyed and said no patient had ever complimented her like that.

Then we all got into a deep discussion about the medical system in general, and the problems that physicians face. I asked her if she provided primary care, because at this point, I wanted to be a patient of this doctor.

She said she did not, but she gave me her card, and recommended a new GI Specialist for me. She also said to contact her at any time with questions about my condition.

Then. she quietly asked if she could do an examination on me (prostate, penis, etc). I said of course I don't mind.

"If you could lay on the bed, I could lay a sheet over you so you won't get embarrassed."

Now, my wife is giving me a look that said "DONT. DON'T even start.

I told the doctor that I don't get embarrassed, and I don't need a sheet.

I said I'll just drop my underwear if that's OK.

Right before I dropped my underwear, I turned to my wife and said "please close your eyes and turn your back". The doctor gave me a look and while she examined me, she asked why I asked my wife to turn around.

I told her that in 32 years of marriage, we have never made love and she has never seen my penis. I said we were waiting until I was on my death bed to have sex, and by that time, there will be so much sexual tension built up, that it's going to be a real barn burner. I said this very dead pan, with a completely straight face. She said "excuse me for a moment", walked into the hallway, and cracked up for about two minutes.

My wife slapped my arm.