It Is Official. The Unicorn Is Shitting Itself.

[muriel_volestrangler]

15. Private Eye's "St. Theresa's School for Girls" school pets: Chequers the dodo, Planbee the unicorn

and Plancee the flying pig - from their regular spoof school newsletter:

"School Pet

I'm sorry to have to tell pupils the very sad news that Chequers the Dodo is officially dead.

I know we said he was alive, which he was in a sense, in our hearts, but now the medical facts of the matter, viz the lack of heartbeat, the absence of brain activity and the fact that he's been off his food for over 350 years, have convinced us that Chequers is no more.

We have therefore decided to get a new, more realistic and sensible school pet, so please welcome Planbee the Unicorn!

You'll see him trotting round the school, as large as life and he's very much a unicorn. Don't let anyone tell you that Mr Malthouse has stuck a traffic cone on the donkey's head and is trying to pass it off as a magical creature."

"New New School Pet

Has anybody seen Planbee the Unicorn? Since welcoming him as the school pet, he seems to have disappeared, if indeed he was ever there at all. But to make sure the pupils aren't too upset, we have a new school pet, called Plancee. Plancee is a pig, but a pig with a difference.

The eagle-eyed amongst you will have noticed he's got wings. Yes, Plancee is a flying pig. Up, up and away! Ther e he goes! Let's hope he doesn't fly straight into the propellers of Mr Williamson's drone! Or it';ll be pork chops and deep-fried pigs' wings for dinner!"