Looking for advice, bereavement related.

[lettucebe]

23. Is there anything else that's happening such as job insecurity?

We are all under enormous strain now with the coronavirus -- if he's insecure about his ability to provide for instance, that can cause some men to lash out. Makes no sense but it does happen.

Just asking because so few of us are really secure right now, so take anything else going on into consideration. Cooped up at home, lost a job, lost ability to go out etc. He has lost something and is angry. He also may be staring down his own mortality. He may be having a mid-life crisis, Taking it out on you is not ok but he may feel he's losing control (he is) and that is very frightening. He may also be terrified of losing you too, and his attacks are a weird way of assuring himself you are still there. I'd let him know you love him and are not going anywhere (this to settle him down in the moment).

When he goes off on you, repeat to yourself over and over, "it's not about me, he's angry, it's not about me." Try not to listen to what he's saying since it's only meant to hurt. Sometimes the energy in the room can be changed -- trying to keep your own emotions in check helps, and saying anything calming to yourself in the moment can help. Sounds crazy but give it a try.

I'd give it some time but not forever -- verbal abuse is not okay. You may also seek counseling for yourself. It can be pretty difficult to get someone in the middle of rage to say ok to counseling.

There's also the possibility he's got something like Parkinson's which causes this sort of behavior. Here's a video about how to deal with angry outbursts

Please don't let that thought upset you, it's just that some ailments do cause this, so it's just something else to consider.

I wish you the best.