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SheltieLover

(60,287 posts)
25. Hi Coventina
Thu Apr 9, 2020, 04:31 PM
Apr 2020

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss & the related difficulties with your hubby.

As others have said, it is never OK for someone to be abusive, even verbally. And know that such a mindset can cause escalation to possible physical abuse.

In my experience, having interned in bereavement as a therapist, although everyone experiences & processes grief differently, such severe reactions can indicate what we call complex grief, or unresolved grief, often with underlying unresolved business or issues.

I highly recommend you have him contact a hospice organization for bereavement counseling. They will, far as I know, provide 13 months of free counseling following a loved one's death. 13 months because that supports the person through "the year of firsts," first birthday, anniversaries, etc. Of course the hospice orgs are, no doubt slammed at this time, I am sure they will do their best to help.

If he won't call, then I suggest you call & speak directly with a professional about this situation. 👍

I hope this is helpful.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

I lost my father three years ago drray23 Apr 2020 #1
Thanks for your personal insight. That is very helpful to know. Coventina Apr 2020 #3
some people get really frustrated and angry when they lose control of a situation drray23 Apr 2020 #7
When my father was to die, I had to make the decision to take him off life support. zackymilly Apr 2020 #2
Thank you for sharing your personal story. Coventina Apr 2020 #4
Did he never say "extremely hurtful, intentionally wounding things" PoindexterOglethorpe Apr 2020 #5
We've been together 23 years, and I can count on one hand Coventina Apr 2020 #12
I hope you can talk to him about this. PoindexterOglethorpe Apr 2020 #22
Some issues are buried deep randr Apr 2020 #6
Thanks. I had been trying not to react at all, thinking it might blow over as a stage of grief. Coventina Apr 2020 #13
Maybe he's not fully aware Turbineguy Apr 2020 #8
Thanks. I will think about this. Coventina Apr 2020 #14
The day my H was diagnosed with cancer he went batshit crazy. A neighbor at the time was a in2herbs Apr 2020 #9
Thank you for sharing your story. Coventina Apr 2020 #15
It's been 3 years since his DX. Under the law no doctor can force a person to take meds they in2herbs Apr 2020 #20
Anger is usually easier to access janterry Apr 2020 #10
People like to discount Freud now, but he did have some very valid insights. Coventina Apr 2020 #16
My dad passed in 2003. Sure it shook things up a bit, yonder Apr 2020 #11
Thank you! Coventina Apr 2020 #17
I agree with #6 randr Get professional help. Any number of things could be going on. IADEMO2004 Apr 2020 #18
The abuse has been all verbal, not physical. Coventina Apr 2020 #19
Whatever path I hope you will soon find a happy place. IADEMO2004 Apr 2020 #24
Seek help Tree-Hugger Apr 2020 #21
Is there anything else that's happening such as job insecurity? lettucebe Apr 2020 #23
Hi Coventina SheltieLover Apr 2020 #25
If this is highly unusual, I would watch him closely for medical problems. Frustratedlady Apr 2020 #26
if i could write your response the next time he lashes out at you i'd have you say this: orleans Apr 2020 #27
Latest Discussions»Support Forums»Bereavement»Looking for advice, berea...»Reply #25