I'm so sorry to hear of your loss & the related difficulties with your hubby.
As others have said, it is never OK for someone to be abusive, even verbally. And know that such a mindset can cause escalation to possible physical abuse.
In my experience, having interned in bereavement as a therapist, although everyone experiences & processes grief differently, such severe reactions can indicate what we call complex grief, or unresolved grief, often with underlying unresolved business or issues.
I highly recommend you have him contact a hospice organization for bereavement counseling. They will, far as I know, provide 13 months of free counseling following a loved one's death. 13 months because that supports the person through "the year of firsts," first birthday, anniversaries, etc. Of course the hospice orgs are, no doubt slammed at this time, I am sure they will do their best to help.
If he won't call, then I suggest you call & speak directly with a professional about this situation. 👍
I hope this is helpful.
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