Trauma and motivation

I have been feeling like my motivation is gone, but I have learned something I wanna share here.

I read something online about the lack of motivation thing. About the process of healing from trauma. That got me thinking.

Apparently when you are in survival mode you power through tasks because it’s part of hypervilagence.I have been guilty of this for years driving myself like a whipping mule. I got shit done because I had to or else was what I thought and felt.
The or else was the dread of punishment that I faced as a kid if I didn’t do it and now..

So ironically I have dissociative disorder and ptsd. Never considered it would mess with my perception of my motivation.

When traumatized people start healing thier motivation feels like it goes pouf. So when they start to get back normal motivation it feels like no motivation because they have never had normal levels of motivation.

I looked at my motivation situation counting from 5 days ago.

Day 1 I took everything off my shelves and it’s a lot of stuff, and put it in a place that wouldn’t be in the way.
Day 2 I did nothing but the usual chores.
Day 3 I put some of my stuff back on the other shelves where they were before.

This is when I discovered the problem with my big shelf falling apart. And it pissed me off.

And today I put my big Egyptian gods statues I painted on top of the glass cabinet as the top is metal.

I looked at the construction of my sturdy shelves and figured out what I need are backside bracers of wood.

4 or 5 plywood boards 30 inches wide by 1 or 2 feet tall to hammer into the backside of the shelf. Spray paint them white, on the frontside and screw them in. This is even more easy to do than brackets or the drill holes.

Or I could get one huge plywood sheet have it cut at Lowe’s and paint it white with spray paint and nail it in.

Even though I don’t have a car I have a rolling pallet cart that I can use to get the boards home.

Also today I washed dishes, made my bed, cooked meals and washed and folded and put up some clothes. And cleaned off the big Egyptian gods so they wouldn’t get put up with crap on them.
Dispite my back hurting( got to get the shots again).

This whole shelf arranging thing was because for my birthday I got a glass cabinet ( it even locks) to display and protect the 110 little Egyptian gods I have painted that took over a year to do. It will also hold a lot of my other collectables too. It’s pretty big.

All I gotta get are some risers and quake putty next month then they’ll look great and be in a safe place.

So looking back I’m doing ok I am getting stuff done, just not doing it all yesterday that’s all.

Schoolhouse rock

Republicans stand for...

The abuse of power and getting away with it.

Discriminating and getting away with it.

Grifting and bribing and getting away with it.

Controlling women’s lives and bodies and getting away with it.

Abusing and threatening people and getting away with it.

Gun stockpiling and letting abusers have guns getting away with it .

Cheating, stealing, lying, bullying, negligence and getting away with it

Ruining the environment we all need to exist and getting away with it.

Defaming people and wrecking peoples lives and getting away with it

Hating marginalized people and mistreating them and getting away with it.

Reducing or eliminating SSI Medicare,Medicare,cutting school lunches, cutting Social Security and reducing benefits ,deregulation so our pipes have lead in them etc. and getting away with it.

Look at over time year after year what they typically want to cut and every time it’s something that doesn’t exclusively only help rich people.

They extort democrats against the welfare of the American people and want to get away with it..

This kind of sociopathic shit has been done in the name of the deficit since forever and the idea of taxing the rich is always off the table for republicans..why?

Greed and getting away with it.

If you look at what republicans are for it’s all about abusing power, abusing people, deceiving the public ,hiding the anti social shit they do and hurt the environment for greed and getting away with it.

Using government to force religion despite the fact there is supposed to be a wall between church and state
They don’t care they have been chipping away at that wall since forever and they are and have been getting away with it.

Do you believe there is a social hierarchy with white Christian males at the apex and that it is ordained by god or nature?

Even moderate republicans believe that bullshit.yet,they get away with it.

Republicans disobey the constitution by questioning the budget . Yet again they get away with it.

They refuse to toss away the archaic debt ceiling so they can extort and control what gets funded and what they block helps the people live.they get away with that too.

Republicans believe poverty and hunger are incentives to make profits for the rich so poverty never ends.
And they get away with propagating that lie too.

Republicans if you look at what they support and what they cut have always been sociopathic abusive entitled toxic assholes since they switched names from democratic to republican .Hell even before that since the party was invented they have always wanted to control exploit impoverish
and abuse the American people in a hierarchical way that is cruel,unjust,unfair and inhumane and wrong.

The problem lies in what they believe and that the Republican Party has always been like the mob family for the top 1 percent.

Othello's shenanagins...

Agenda?

With the republicans unwilling to elect a speaker one thought came to mind.

The chaos caucus has stated they want to "burn it all down" and thier followers in thier stupidity want to do it too.

If these fucking republicans cant get thier shit together enough to elect a speaker the moderates can say "we tried" when they too behind closed doors are considering burning it to wrest control away from the people and not be suspect. While the chaos caucus can say they stood by thier bad principals.

What if this bullshit drags out to the point we default?
With no speaker,there will be no sudden compromises with the dems like what happened before. No discussion at all,and true to form while people panic they'll blame Joe.

Conservatism is a sick ideology and has always been fertile grounds for fascism to grow.Because when conservatism is taken to its logical end it becomes fascism.

New mix oh my long johnson cat

Its even better!

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRGBKejB/

A great video about corporate interests

Power and its structures

The definition :


Socialism is the Workers themselves together equally owning collectively the means of production. That to me by definition is anti-authoritarian.
Its closer in line with equality than conservatism ever will be.


Think of co ops run by the people working there with no boss taking the majority of profits for himself..instead the workers share it all together,equally.
This kind of fairness requires that people accept equality and by nature most people are good.


Did you know if wealth in our country was distributed evenly we would all have $419,527.

https://medium.com/politically-speaking/if-todays-u-s-net-worth-were-distributed-fairly-here-s-how-much-money-you-d-have-a8772f62e7a8


Top down authoritarian structures use any ism they can to make it put themselves on top,to privilege themselves.
Authoritarians,sociopathy ,narcissism iin positions of power is why systems fail or turn authoritarian.

Top down structures require one to see everything as a zero sum game which amounts to if I win,you lose,if you win I lose.
Relationships are all Transactional. And who has the most transactional relationships in thier lives?

Narcissists.

Either you believe in equality. All deserving of life and security and happiness or ....you Don't .

The idea some people are more worthy of life and others are born inferior. Excuses like fate,destiny and "natural "social orders,darwinism,eugenics among other things are used to rationalize top down hierarchies are the way it is which are all lies..

Vertical power structures or horizontal shared power structures is what its about.


Sociopathy & narcissism ruins horizontal power structures with its entitlement,arrogant more deserving,better than everyone else,transactional relationships zero sum thinking,fate or destiny bullshit. The people who have these personality types are incurable abusive and manipulating and see everyone but themself as inferior to themself. Thats roughly 1/3rd of the population these days and it is increasing.
Wonder how awful people like Matt Gaetz and Bang bang Bobert get elected?

Insecure people who don't or were not allowed to see the source of thier misery because of what they have been taught or were forced to accept,or were made ignorant of fail to recognize certain social lies. If they are too stressed,busy or confused to introspect regarding thier own beliefs,the status quo remains.

People silenced by thier peers and parents since childhood.. sometimes don't ask why things are the way they are. They can be manipulated to buy into a top down social hierarchical structure despite it being a big source of social misery for themselves and everyone else not on top.

And the stress and busy of life along with whatever emotional pain they deal with it obscures to them why they are miserable themselves in a top down hierarchy. Nuclear families race and gender roles in are tools exploited and used reinforce mythical top down social hierarchical structures.


Myths of Horatio Algier are one such lie capitalism promotes to reinforce a wealth based top down hierarchy. There are many more similar lies taken as truth about what anarchy really means ,or the actual definition of what socialism really is. I see people reacting to these ideas like buzzwords and end up marginalizing people who question the way things are and they silence alternative thoughts by parroting status quo stuff all the time. Its kinda disconcerting and sad to watch.

A different definition than what top down hierarchies say is marginalized by default in our culture. If you dont believe the lie too,you get marginalized. Why is that?
Who benefits from this crap?

And the ones on top of top down hierarchies have a selfish interest and power trip confusing people as to what definitions of certain alternative systems that are non-hierarchy based really are,and to make you fear them.because those on top are scared shitless of ideas that invalidate thier game and abuse of power against the majority of us.

Bottom line are people equal and therefore mostly good

Or

Are things "naturally " hierarchical in a society and some people are born inferior or less deserving than others.


That selfish/ nihilistic belief and the suffering hierarchy creates is what I think underpins alot of the problems in top down social societies like ours. Conservatism has a divine social order claim in its platform plank. Its also known as the divine right of kings.



Narcissism and those who are not narcissists ...in perpetual conflict.

It has been about this shit since forever.

Right now narcissism is becoming ascendant, again ,and when that goes too far we have fascism.
Because narcissists hate to lose and won't admit to themselves they are a problem and are wrong fucks over everyone.

A post about different power structures..

And the actual definition of socialism


Socialism is the Workers themselves together equally owning collectively the means of production.



Think co ops run by the people working there with no boss taking the majority of profits for himself..instead the workers share it all together.
This requires that people accept equality and by nature most people are good.

Top down authoritarian structures use any ism to make themselves on top.
Authoritarians,sociopathy ,narcissism is why systems fail or turn authoritarian.

Top down structures require one to see everything as a zero sum game which amounts to if I win,you lose,if you win I lose. Transactional. And who has the most transactional relationships in thier lives?

Narcissists.

Either you believe in equality. All deserving of life and security and happiness or ....you Don't .

The idea some people are more worthy of life and others are born inferior. Excuses like fate,destiny and "natural "social orders among other things are used to rationalize top down hierarchies which are all lies..

Vertical power structures or horizontal shared power structures is what its about.


Sociopathy ruins horizontal power structures with its entitlement,arrogant more deserving,better than everyone else,transactional relationships zero sum thinking,fate or destiny bullshit.

Insecure people who don't or were not allowed to see the souce of thier misery because of what they have been taught or were forced to accept as true by thier peers and parents.. and dont ask why things are the way they are can be manipulated to buy into a top down social hierarchical structure despite it being a big source of social misery for everyone else not on top.

And it obscures to them why they are miserable themselves in a top down hierarchy. Nuclear families and gender roles in are tools used reinforce top down hierarchical structures.


Horatio Algiers myths are one such lie capitalism promotes to reinforce top down hierarchy. There are many more like lies about what anarchy really means ,or the actual definition of what socialism really is.

Its different definition than what top down hierarchies say. And the ones on top of top down hierarchies have a selfish interest in confusing people as to what definitions of certain alternative systems non hierarchy based systems really are,and to make you fear them.

Bottom line are people equal and therefore mostly good

Or

Are things "naturally " hierarchical in a society and some people are born inferior or less deserving than others.


That selfish/ nilhilistic belief is what I think underpins alot of the problems in top down social societies.

Narcissism and those who are not narcissists ...in conflict. It has been about this shit conflict since forever.

Right now narcissism is becoming ascendant, again ,and when that goes too far we have fascism.Because narcissists hate to lose and wont admit to themselves they are a problem for everyone.

Yeah I get it.